I was feeling a whole lot of fragile this month, so when I saw this on a friend's Facebook wall, I knew I needed to keep it close at hand. Opening yourself up to fully feel grief is a really difficult process. Mark's declines this month were heartbreaking, and I found myself often reminding myself that while I was struggling to see my friend continue to slip away, in the past, he had only mostly just been an inconvenience to anyone, but he was content and doing alright himself. Seeing physical declines causing him to actually seem to be somewhat more aware was just...there are no words.
This little lady brightens even the darkest day. I don't want these little ones to grow anymore, even if they're exhausting. They bring SO much joy (and also snot and dirt and royally huge messes).
I know it's a very "common" issue for kids, even as old as Kendrick, but seriously...that's a heck of a lot of poop. We spent pretty much the entire month trying to get this little guy cleared out, and I can say halfway through March that we're not in the clear yet, which just is exhausting.
It was fun to see Cashel and Kendrick all smiles at Ryan's preschool program. They both went to the same preschool and fondly recall their own programs, but, being the big kids that they are, would never admit it out loud lol
How did he get so grown up? He totally owns preschool and gets SO excited to go. He wishes he could go EVERY day.
Oh my goodness is this little lady funny these days! We had just gotten back from Ryan's preschool program and changed into jammies (for Ryan) and were snuggled in watching a show before bed on Netflix when miss Kins comes strugging out in Ryan's clothes (and his backpack lol) saying, "Hi, I'm Ryan! I'm going to school today." lol
One of my very, very favorite passages in the Bible ♥
My boys' favorite book lol
Cashel spent a LOT of time in the kitchen this month. He got really into helping me make meals, and he even made breakfast, lunch and supper for all of us one day. He is now fully proficient at making mac and cheese, ramen noodles and hot dogs, as well as cracking eggs. I'm working with him on following recipes and the measurements, but that will take some time.
The best part about this age is you can hand them a controller and they have no idea that they're not actually playing, so there's nothing to mess up lol
Church, on the whole, has mellowed a little. There definitely was a week or two where they were a little more squirrely, but it wasn't the worst I had experienced with them. I'm hoping to get them whipped into shape better before Kinsley begins joining us in the service in early August. Yikes!
Cashel was a LOT more cuddly this month, which I LOVED. It has been a LONG time since he has crawled up in my lap like this, so I loved it!
Apparently checking out your tablet is much more enjoyable in a basket of clean laundry.
♥
I'm not sure I'll ever get super comfortable with posting selfies, but I liked this one. I've had a number of people tell me that I look like I've lost a lot of weight since the 60 Minutes thing (which, I have...but only about 7-8lbs), and I figured out that the reasoning was that, for one, TV seriously adds about 10-15lbs, but also that I look a lot skinnier in the face when I'm not smiling. When I smile, my face turns from oval to round lol
>
I may not feel like it, but these things are true.
I guess there's a first time for everything - my very own little blue screen of death. Thankfully, updating the BIOS fixed it, but I just sat there, cocked my head to the side and said, "huh", and then had a very minor freak out because I had forgotten to check in my latest development from the prior day.
Yep, I'm a slow poke, but this is the first mile I've ran that fast since about 5 years prior when I had a twisted ankle to heal (8 months worth of healing) followed by a nasty hip flexor issue that lasted 2 years just as I had started to get back into things...oh...and 2 pregnancies. #SlowProgress
I finally made some major progress on one of my home projects: A new tub installed downstairs!! Of course, we still have the walls to go up and the fixtures. I'm also having a custom vanity built for the downstairs bathroom, and then tile ordered for the shower walls. For now, I'm just putting up the shower curtain to cover it up, and so far, the kids have left it alone.
Want to make my kids deliriously happy? Get them a pepperoni pizza Lunchable. I don't know if I will ever understand what the obsession is with it, but that's what I get if they really could use a break and smiles all around.
Every night, after the kids go to bed, it's like this. I remember when Mark was home in April 2017, just before everything started, and we were in marriage counseling to basically figure out how the heck to function with 3 little boys at home in the midst of a pregnancy in which Mark was so very little help. Every night, he'd lay in bed and veg out while I cleaned everything after working full time, coming home, entertaining the kids and doing all the laundry and dishes. It hit me when I saw this picture from the other day that it has been a very long time since I recalled actually having a helpmate. I can't even fathom what that feels like, because now it's all on me or my responsibility to find help, and it has been basically since about November 2016, I just didn't recognize it until after he was diagnosed.
This helps on the really rough nights, though lol I don't really drink much, but on occasion, a glass of wine really takes the ragey edge off and helps me relax after the really hard nights.
This month was a hard one for visits. Mark reached this point where he wouldn't even wake up or stir when we would visit in the afternoons. I took lunch over around 11:45am one day so I could visit while we lunched, and he was already sleeping. I sat there for a good half hour and tried a couple different times to wake him, but eventually just sat down and ate my lunch while he slept.
It's so hard to see them interact these days. It all feels so void of emotion, not just for Mark, but for the boys too. We're all a little more depressed about it, if I'm being honest. Mark really doesn't like it when I bring the kids anymore, which guts me :(
Sadly, I fear this may end up being the last picture we all take together as a family. I'm trying to put together some family pictures with my dear friend Heather from Red Barn Photography for this spring, but we'll see if that ends up working out, or if Mark will be incapable of it.
Ryan and Kinsley thoroughly enjoyed their first bowling experience at our church bowling party on the 15th in Springfield. It would've been ideal to just play one game, but they enjoyed sitting and watching the second game while eating pizza.
I tried to get pictures of each of the kids and myself, but Cashel wasn't having any of it.
Kendrick is usually really good at asking about nuts in baked goods and being able to sniff them out, but this one particular Sunday, he messed up and had something with nuts in it. I had to rush to his classroom (I had gone home to recuperate from getting everyone dressed, fed and out the door to Sunday School) with Epi pen in hand and Benadryl as well. It turned out to only need Benadryl, thankfully, but it has been about 3 years since he has had any exposure, so I was encouraged that this was as bad as it was. I know his blood test for peanuts has been negative for a couple years, but the skin test is always positive, so we'll see how things progress. He may grow out of the peanut allergy, but not the tree nut one most likely.
It warms my heart to see all 3 of my boys down for the children's feature at church on Sunday mornings. I have no idea how I've reached this point, but all FOUR of my kids will be in preschool or older this September. Talk about mind-blown!
Cashel read this book to his class for Reading Month, and I just love it! It really is a cute book if you haven't read it before.
It isn't that often that I catch them all getting along like this, but I'll take it!
Thank goodness they have Caribou and Starbucks in Mankato, because taking kiddos to an assisted living facility is not for the faint of heart!
Kendrick honestly is the one kid who really tries to focus on Daddy when we visit. Usually the rest just run around and cause trouble, but Kendrick treats Mark almost like a kid brother, and I just love it. It's strange how he's also the most explosive kid of the bunch, but I'm guessing the two correlate. He's so patient and sweet and kind and loving towards his Daddy.
Kendrick and Cashel have been stuffing aside their grade and birthday money for a while, so I took them shopping at Target to spend a little of it. They felt so cool paying for their stuff.
We left the littles at home this particular day and I took the boys shopping (see above) and then to WOW Zone for some bowling, arcade games and laser tag. They insisted I go play too. Heads' up: I give no mercy lol
Kendrick is seriously such a "cool" kid these days lol He is all about being "cool", whether it be dance moves, cool stuff he is interested in, or the way he poses for pictures. He likes listening to Kids' Bop when he's having downtime in his room.
Just when Mark had been losing some weight, his 3XL shirts no longer were covering the bottom of his belly, so I had to order a handful of 4XL ones :(
I got my living room/kitchen design plans from Katie at Revive! Interiors, and I was NOT prepared for how drastically different they would be! I told her I needed some time to really process it and decide if I wanted to go THAT different.
This particular visit, Mark didn't want to visit, so we just lay there and I sang to him for a while.
Every once in a great while the gym is pretty much empty and I get to snap a selfie. I've made a lot of progress so far in 2020, and although it has only been 6-7lbs, depending on the day, I can tell that a large chunk of that was exchanging fat for muscle, because I feel so much more toned, and I officially had to put away my larger pants from last fall, because they no longer fit, even with a belt, and kept falling down.
I got really hooked on avocado toast in February. I had forgotten about it, and usually have half an avocado every morning, but it's usually with seasoned quinoa, jalapeno jelly and some raw or sauteed veggies. I sprinkle about half a tablespoon of hemp hearts and a few shakes of garlic salt. So.Yummy.
Another huge "win" for February was finally getting the entryway closet taken down in preparation for the built in that will hopefully be going in before long. Mark's brother, Daniel, came over to help me get the frame down before the kids came home from their overnights away.
Here is the entryway design Katie from Revive! Interiors came up with, and I am in LOVE!
Little miss Kins and I went to do a little shopping while the boys stayed with Grandpa and Grandma when we went to pick Kins and Cashel up in Worthington. She is such a girly girl, even if she's a tomboy to the core lol
I had forgotten about this easel Cashel had gotten for his birthday or Christmas one year from Grandpa and Grandma. I had put it away in his closet because it had lost its appeal as Cashel got into Kindergarten, but Ryan and Kinsley are BIG fans!
This is what happens when you hide candy in my bedroom closet just one time. I had to put a door with a lock on it after this. #EasterBunnyNeedsToFindABetterHidingSpot.
The littles and I would sometimes go upstairs at BARC for Cashel and Kendrick's hip hop lessons. They kept saying, "We're going to go play strangers. We're strangers in the stairs, coming to get you!" lol
Cashel decided he wanted to make pudding as part of the talent show at his school this year. He handled it like a boss!
Love to watch her sleep ♥
Being completely honest, I don't kick the kids out often enough this time of year.
I was so thrilled to find this candle at TJ Maxx. The scent is the same exact scent of this candle we had at home growing up, and I've never been able to find the scent before, but it really brought me back to Christmases as a kid and made me smile :)
Pretty much an every day thing here.
This little lady brightens even the darkest day. I don't want these little ones to grow anymore, even if they're exhausting. They bring SO much joy (and also snot and dirt and royally huge messes).
I know it's a very "common" issue for kids, even as old as Kendrick, but seriously...that's a heck of a lot of poop. We spent pretty much the entire month trying to get this little guy cleared out, and I can say halfway through March that we're not in the clear yet, which just is exhausting.
It was fun to see Cashel and Kendrick all smiles at Ryan's preschool program. They both went to the same preschool and fondly recall their own programs, but, being the big kids that they are, would never admit it out loud lol
How did he get so grown up? He totally owns preschool and gets SO excited to go. He wishes he could go EVERY day.
Oh my goodness is this little lady funny these days! We had just gotten back from Ryan's preschool program and changed into jammies (for Ryan) and were snuggled in watching a show before bed on Netflix when miss Kins comes strugging out in Ryan's clothes (and his backpack lol) saying, "Hi, I'm Ryan! I'm going to school today." lol
One of my very, very favorite passages in the Bible ♥
My boys' favorite book lol
Cashel spent a LOT of time in the kitchen this month. He got really into helping me make meals, and he even made breakfast, lunch and supper for all of us one day. He is now fully proficient at making mac and cheese, ramen noodles and hot dogs, as well as cracking eggs. I'm working with him on following recipes and the measurements, but that will take some time.
The best part about this age is you can hand them a controller and they have no idea that they're not actually playing, so there's nothing to mess up lol
Church, on the whole, has mellowed a little. There definitely was a week or two where they were a little more squirrely, but it wasn't the worst I had experienced with them. I'm hoping to get them whipped into shape better before Kinsley begins joining us in the service in early August. Yikes!
Cashel was a LOT more cuddly this month, which I LOVED. It has been a LONG time since he has crawled up in my lap like this, so I loved it!
Apparently checking out your tablet is much more enjoyable in a basket of clean laundry.
♥
I'm not sure I'll ever get super comfortable with posting selfies, but I liked this one. I've had a number of people tell me that I look like I've lost a lot of weight since the 60 Minutes thing (which, I have...but only about 7-8lbs), and I figured out that the reasoning was that, for one, TV seriously adds about 10-15lbs, but also that I look a lot skinnier in the face when I'm not smiling. When I smile, my face turns from oval to round lol
>I may not feel like it, but these things are true.
I guess there's a first time for everything - my very own little blue screen of death. Thankfully, updating the BIOS fixed it, but I just sat there, cocked my head to the side and said, "huh", and then had a very minor freak out because I had forgotten to check in my latest development from the prior day.
Yep, I'm a slow poke, but this is the first mile I've ran that fast since about 5 years prior when I had a twisted ankle to heal (8 months worth of healing) followed by a nasty hip flexor issue that lasted 2 years just as I had started to get back into things...oh...and 2 pregnancies. #SlowProgress
I finally made some major progress on one of my home projects: A new tub installed downstairs!! Of course, we still have the walls to go up and the fixtures. I'm also having a custom vanity built for the downstairs bathroom, and then tile ordered for the shower walls. For now, I'm just putting up the shower curtain to cover it up, and so far, the kids have left it alone.
Want to make my kids deliriously happy? Get them a pepperoni pizza Lunchable. I don't know if I will ever understand what the obsession is with it, but that's what I get if they really could use a break and smiles all around.
Every night, after the kids go to bed, it's like this. I remember when Mark was home in April 2017, just before everything started, and we were in marriage counseling to basically figure out how the heck to function with 3 little boys at home in the midst of a pregnancy in which Mark was so very little help. Every night, he'd lay in bed and veg out while I cleaned everything after working full time, coming home, entertaining the kids and doing all the laundry and dishes. It hit me when I saw this picture from the other day that it has been a very long time since I recalled actually having a helpmate. I can't even fathom what that feels like, because now it's all on me or my responsibility to find help, and it has been basically since about November 2016, I just didn't recognize it until after he was diagnosed.
This helps on the really rough nights, though lol I don't really drink much, but on occasion, a glass of wine really takes the ragey edge off and helps me relax after the really hard nights.
This month was a hard one for visits. Mark reached this point where he wouldn't even wake up or stir when we would visit in the afternoons. I took lunch over around 11:45am one day so I could visit while we lunched, and he was already sleeping. I sat there for a good half hour and tried a couple different times to wake him, but eventually just sat down and ate my lunch while he slept.
It's so hard to see them interact these days. It all feels so void of emotion, not just for Mark, but for the boys too. We're all a little more depressed about it, if I'm being honest. Mark really doesn't like it when I bring the kids anymore, which guts me :(
Sadly, I fear this may end up being the last picture we all take together as a family. I'm trying to put together some family pictures with my dear friend Heather from Red Barn Photography for this spring, but we'll see if that ends up working out, or if Mark will be incapable of it.
Ryan and Kinsley thoroughly enjoyed their first bowling experience at our church bowling party on the 15th in Springfield. It would've been ideal to just play one game, but they enjoyed sitting and watching the second game while eating pizza.
I tried to get pictures of each of the kids and myself, but Cashel wasn't having any of it.
Kendrick is usually really good at asking about nuts in baked goods and being able to sniff them out, but this one particular Sunday, he messed up and had something with nuts in it. I had to rush to his classroom (I had gone home to recuperate from getting everyone dressed, fed and out the door to Sunday School) with Epi pen in hand and Benadryl as well. It turned out to only need Benadryl, thankfully, but it has been about 3 years since he has had any exposure, so I was encouraged that this was as bad as it was. I know his blood test for peanuts has been negative for a couple years, but the skin test is always positive, so we'll see how things progress. He may grow out of the peanut allergy, but not the tree nut one most likely.
It warms my heart to see all 3 of my boys down for the children's feature at church on Sunday mornings. I have no idea how I've reached this point, but all FOUR of my kids will be in preschool or older this September. Talk about mind-blown!
Cashel read this book to his class for Reading Month, and I just love it! It really is a cute book if you haven't read it before.
It isn't that often that I catch them all getting along like this, but I'll take it!
Thank goodness they have Caribou and Starbucks in Mankato, because taking kiddos to an assisted living facility is not for the faint of heart!
Kendrick honestly is the one kid who really tries to focus on Daddy when we visit. Usually the rest just run around and cause trouble, but Kendrick treats Mark almost like a kid brother, and I just love it. It's strange how he's also the most explosive kid of the bunch, but I'm guessing the two correlate. He's so patient and sweet and kind and loving towards his Daddy.
Kendrick and Cashel have been stuffing aside their grade and birthday money for a while, so I took them shopping at Target to spend a little of it. They felt so cool paying for their stuff.
We left the littles at home this particular day and I took the boys shopping (see above) and then to WOW Zone for some bowling, arcade games and laser tag. They insisted I go play too. Heads' up: I give no mercy lol
Kendrick is seriously such a "cool" kid these days lol He is all about being "cool", whether it be dance moves, cool stuff he is interested in, or the way he poses for pictures. He likes listening to Kids' Bop when he's having downtime in his room.
Just when Mark had been losing some weight, his 3XL shirts no longer were covering the bottom of his belly, so I had to order a handful of 4XL ones :(
I got my living room/kitchen design plans from Katie at Revive! Interiors, and I was NOT prepared for how drastically different they would be! I told her I needed some time to really process it and decide if I wanted to go THAT different.
This particular visit, Mark didn't want to visit, so we just lay there and I sang to him for a while.
Every once in a great while the gym is pretty much empty and I get to snap a selfie. I've made a lot of progress so far in 2020, and although it has only been 6-7lbs, depending on the day, I can tell that a large chunk of that was exchanging fat for muscle, because I feel so much more toned, and I officially had to put away my larger pants from last fall, because they no longer fit, even with a belt, and kept falling down.
I got really hooked on avocado toast in February. I had forgotten about it, and usually have half an avocado every morning, but it's usually with seasoned quinoa, jalapeno jelly and some raw or sauteed veggies. I sprinkle about half a tablespoon of hemp hearts and a few shakes of garlic salt. So.Yummy.
Another huge "win" for February was finally getting the entryway closet taken down in preparation for the built in that will hopefully be going in before long. Mark's brother, Daniel, came over to help me get the frame down before the kids came home from their overnights away.
Here is the entryway design Katie from Revive! Interiors came up with, and I am in LOVE!
Little miss Kins and I went to do a little shopping while the boys stayed with Grandpa and Grandma when we went to pick Kins and Cashel up in Worthington. She is such a girly girl, even if she's a tomboy to the core lol
I had forgotten about this easel Cashel had gotten for his birthday or Christmas one year from Grandpa and Grandma. I had put it away in his closet because it had lost its appeal as Cashel got into Kindergarten, but Ryan and Kinsley are BIG fans!
This is what happens when you hide candy in my bedroom closet just one time. I had to put a door with a lock on it after this. #EasterBunnyNeedsToFindABetterHidingSpot.
The littles and I would sometimes go upstairs at BARC for Cashel and Kendrick's hip hop lessons. They kept saying, "We're going to go play strangers. We're strangers in the stairs, coming to get you!" lol
Cashel decided he wanted to make pudding as part of the talent show at his school this year. He handled it like a boss!
Love to watch her sleep ♥
Being completely honest, I don't kick the kids out often enough this time of year.
I was so thrilled to find this candle at TJ Maxx. The scent is the same exact scent of this candle we had at home growing up, and I've never been able to find the scent before, but it really brought me back to Christmases as a kid and made me smile :)
Pretty much an every day thing here.
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