Lately in Windom (February 2019)

Only about 5 years overdue...welcome to the kitchen!

There was WAY too much of this going on this month. WAY. I went through 4 cycles of too much tablet, take it away for a few days, give in, start again. My favorite part about spring/summer/fall is that the kids are having too much fun playing together outside to care about these darn tablets.

Officially my favorite candle ever!

My favorite breakfast, hands' down, ever. The sauteed spinach and mushrooms with garlic coupled with the raspberry jalapeno jam...to DIE for!

Between my husband and children, I'm not sure there will come a day where I don't have to tell them things like, "Don't drink the toilet water" or "remember to flush" or "when you're done, wash your hands".

It's so fun to watch these big brothers take their little brothers under their wings!

I'm definitely looking forward to the years where I'm not required to ride down with the kids and then drag them back up the hill on the sled lol

A successful trip to Target WITH MARK! This goes down in history, people! Usually he wanders off and I spend the whole time trying to find him again. This was a good day!

I still love this man so much! ♥

One of the things that has bothered me off and on has been how Mark's smile changes depending on how his meds are working. Sometimes it's not so bad, but sometimes it's really odd.

I've been trying to get good pictures with the kids and their Daddy while he's still capable of smiling and standing and moving about. The problem is, I struggle to get him to wear his contacts and shave and, you know, wear clothes that don't show the entire bottom half of his belly. But still...

He LOVES to go get his hair cut at Sport Clips, and they're SO good with him! I felt like a freak at first following him to the chair and giving them directions, but once they understood that he wasn't really capable of it, it has gone a lot better.

This girl is SASSY! And she isn't up for kisses or hugs when she doesn't feel like it!

With Kendrick's therapy program through the county, we have family "sessions", which basically involve them either coming to our home or us going to the center to have play therapy as a family. Sometimes it's wearing to go so regularly, but the kids enjoy it so much! Also...it isn't MY mess to clean up, so...

I can't explain why right at this moment, but early in the month, I decided I should really probably take care of a few moderate-sized holes in our walls in the main living areas. YouTube has so many great tutorials! Doing stuff like this leaves me feeling so empowered!

18 Months means put on a pretty dress and take some PICTURES!!

A few things about this picture: 1) I need to clean my camera lens! 2) I need to pick another paint color for our upstairs! 3) Bear bear is a huge favorite these days. 4) Homegirl STILL hardly has any hair.

About the only time these two cooperate is when playing games or Minecraft together. I allow it most days, but there are times it has to go into hiding for a significant amount of time.

For some bizarro reason, 2/3 of my boys decided to wear dress-up clothes on the same day I had Kinsley dressed up for her pictures, so I put the last one in dress up clothes and popped the tripod up quickly and hopped in the picture with them. Granted, while they were all dressed up, I was in a cozy sweatshirt and yoga pants with no hair or makeup done. Still, SO glad I thought of it in the moment - this may be one of my favorite pictures of my kids and I of all times!

As an FYI - in the above picture, Ryan had changed into Elmo swimming trunks, so...

It's hard to catch this girl in the moment, but she really, really can be extremely loving and sweet.

Toddlers, guys. Freaking toddlers.

Oh, how I miss these carefree days. I finally got around to printing out pictures and putting them on our walls. My sweet, sweet babies!

I can't explain why I needed to pick an outfit, exactly, but let's just say that this one won. I'm still so back and forth as to why I ended up so disappointed with it, but in this lighting, it was the clear winner.

I would NOT be handling our whole situation very well if not for video chatting with this guy.

There are rare moments where I have good self-care and get to go shopping by myself. Rare. But I think deep down inside when I'm no longer dealing with all the insanity, I'll still be a pretty decent person on the outside as well lol

One of my very, very favorite women of all times. I hope beyond all hopes that I have as many wrinkles and live as much life as she has by the time I'm in my 90s!

One of the things that has changed over the past decade for me has been that I no longer give two sh*ts if I look ridiculous in a swimsuit. I'm too dang busy at a place like this keeping up with the littles to pay care.

EXCELLENT study by Lysa Terkeurst. So, so, so, so good.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Agreed, little lady!

It was actually kinda fun being up to my BUTT in snow in our back yard!

Kendrick is the hardest working kid I know!

Teachin' them young!

I may be a little addicted to making photo books. I wrote a whole post about it here.

2018 In Review, Part 1 (January - June)

I'm not even sure I can go back to last January and think about what happened. I know it in my heart and in my head, but it seems so bizarre that it was ONLY a year ago: It feels like a lifetime.

2018 was intense. It was exhausting. It was equal parts devastating, transformative, joyful and scary. We've grown in such tremendous ways that I wouldn't want to trade those changes for anything, but yet with what we've had to endure to get to that point, it feels like too much sacrifice. Still, looking back, I feel like I'm still not at a point where I'd not make the trade if I could.

If you recall in 2017, we had a REALLY rough year. That June, Mark had lost his job after what had been a really rough spring as a family. 2017 was the year we began pursuing a diagnosis that didn't really come until early 2018, and in 2017, we lost my Mom to her battle with Parkinson's disease.

In 2018 we finally had the answers we had been looking for, which helped a lot, but they weren't the answers we had hoped for, and it forced our hand at making some really heart-wrenching decisions.

At the end of 2017, we had been waiting for a Neurologist appointment, and right before the new year, we finally got it moved up, and basically felt like we made zero progress. Mark had been started on a slew of different meds that we had been trying, but none had really been super effective, and it felt mostly like we were treading water, managing the side effects of them that were almost as unbearable as the initial behaviors.

January and February we mostly spent just getting by and pursuing a more definite diagnosis for Mark. We went on to Mayo Clinic to confirm or deny the diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder, and were saddened, although not shocked, to find that he actually had Frontotemporal Degeneration (or Dementia) of the behavioral variant (bvFTD). I've got a whole slew of posts detailing the whole process through getting to this point, so I won't go on and on about that right now, but if you want to sort through those, you can click here.

We also celebrated Cashel's 6th birthday with an overnight trip to Minneapolis as a family.

We continued living life: Playing in the snow, making valentine cookies, sledding, visiting the water park, doctor visits, and much more. I ended up selling our two "extra" vehicles, as Mark was no longer able to drive.

March brought a really sweet highlight to the year: My baby brother got married! (See wedding recaps part 1, part 2 and part 3) It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever attended! However, the wedding weekend with a spouse with FTD and 4 kids crammed into a hotel room...that was interesting. We had held off on a return trip to Mayo until after the wedding for a PET scan and Neurology follow up. The results confirmed Mark's diagnosis of bvFTD. Having prepared myself for that, it wasn't a huge blow as many would expect, but it was still hard :(

The month was really a rollercoaster, with the wedding being a high, the formal diagnosis being the lowest of lows, and then another uptick to the month was celebrating THIS guy turning two :)

Granted, his party ended up being cancelled due to a blizzard, but we had fun celebrating anyway! March also brought the sale of BOTH our spare vehicles (the Tahoe and Impala) and a set of rims we had been storing in the annals of our garage. And the return of some nicer weather allowing us to get out for more walks :) Our dear friend Heather donated to us what may possibly be our final family photos together (although I try to keep hope that that isn't the case): Bittersweet.

April brought new carpet in one of the bedrooms along with Easter both at home and in LeSueur. It also brought regular date nights, as a continuation of our weekly tradition from late 2017 :)

We also enjoyed some much-needed time with friends, and WAY too much MORE snow.

The biggest downfall to April, however, was realizing that we could not continue on the way we were going. With Marks serious sleep issues, there was just no way, as a family, that we could continue on without ALL flying off the handle. And so, after a horribly tearful appointment at the mental health NP's office, we realized that it was time to begin the search for placement for Mark somewhere other than our home. Little did we know that the Lord knew this and had been preparing the way.

In early May, the county social worker helped us finding a place for Mark, and to ease into the transition, as Mark was beginning to require supervision at home all day and night, his brother came out for a couple weeks to help with the adjustment and moving, and getting Mark moved into a memory care wing of an assisted living apartment in Mankato. He moved in May 14th.

And just like that, he was settled in, doing his normal thing, and asking when I was going to leave.

I had planned a solo trip to Vancouver, BC a couple months prior to this, so that happened to fall just a few days after we got Mark moved in, which was perfect timing! It gave me a chance to regroup a bit, let some of the stress fall off, and mentally prepare for everything to come with truly now taking the role as a single parent.

We began weekly visits to see Mark after I got back from Vancouver, which continued mostly through the summer.

At the end of the month, we had a Kindergarten graduate! It's hard to believe this kid is so big already!

In June, we all began to settle into our new routines. I had a little bedroom makeover with new carpet and paint, and we spent a LOT of time outside!

We had all sorts of summer fun activities, such as Cashel's t-ball, Riverfest, a LOT of time spent with our neighbor friends, Vacation Bible School at our church, swimming lessons for Kendrick, lots of visits to the Farmer's Market, park time, landscaping projects (for Mama), and the most exciting part for Mama: Our new fence was installed!

We also made a few trips to Mankato to see Daddy: One trip being on Father's Day!

And, of course, who could miss out on one of our very favorite activities of this time of year: Strawberry Picking!

June was a FULL month! After spending so much time managing Mark at home, it felt freeing to finally not be worried about him and knowing he was cared for so that I could focus my attention on our home and our children. Still, it was a really hard month emotionally to know that this was what life had become.

Stay tuned for part 2 of 2018, as there's still so much to come!